Annoyed, instead of feeling loving toward your person?
Here’s my response to this recent question – “I’m more often annoyed rather than [loving] with my Love, help please!”
Annoyance is essentially anger. It’s on the anger spectrum, kind of in the middle, with irritability at one end and rage at the other.
I love that you are acknowledging your annoyance. Personal responsibility precedes growth.
To be annoyed with someone you have to have a few stories about them in your head.
Stories aka ‘negative interpretations’ of your partner which you either say outloud (ouch) or keep inside your own head indicates that deep down you have some feelings and needs of your own which are not yet being addressed by you.
So you are feeling annoyed and looking outside of yourself at what appears to be the issue – how he / she is behaving. It may not be the case… Let’s look more closely.
What would you have to face/ feel if you were to drop your thoughts about him/ her? Once you face this and let yourself feel this, your annoyance will transform. Often into sadness, shame or some other deep vulnerable feeling like these <3
Instead of going into this vulnerability it seems like you have got a layer of annoyance acting as a protective cover. Maybe you have hoped that avoiding your vulnerability will help you avoid losing your cool or connection with your partner?
Probably you are noticing that this isn’t working so well huh?
It just leaves you judging your partner and feeding a ‘negative’ story about them. “He or she shouldn’t blah blah, or should be or do blah”.
This story-making is what we do sometimes with our disowned unmet feelings and needs. It is SUPER important to identify. Because your story fuels the annoyance and keeps you separate from your partner. And separates you from your power to make a positive change.
Your feelings and needs are important! And they are also your responsibility. Yay right?! You can do something positive and connecting here.
We need you to find what’s under the story and transform the annoyance so you can show up and be real and loving and honest about what it is that is happening for you. Then you can co-create a way forward with your sweetie.
In a nutshell: Have a look within. BE with the underlying real emotions and sensations; notice what is important to you. Dissolve annoyance by recognising what you need. Use one word … e.g. care, love, compassion, understanding, respect … go 3 or 4 layers down. Get to the deepest of deep and take action.
Annoyance can become toxic contempt.
If you want help with this reach out!
All the Love