Arguing For Relationship
Have you noticed how everything in the garden is of a different shade, texture and contribution to the overall beauty? We accept that it would be so bland, if it were all the same.
Yet for many of us, we feel uncomfortable with difference. We hide from it and avoid it in conversations. Or we rail against it, trying to obliterate it and get another to be like us. What if we all knew how to use difference to evolve?
I’m concerned when a couple has no arguments. Because arguing is generally an act of protest for feeling disconnected. If no-one is willing to protest then it’s hard for the people in the relationship to recognise and address disconnection. And therefore to adapt, self-regulate, grow and attune more and more with each other.
Arguing is defined as ‘an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically heated’. Arguing can be heated with fiery passion and care. Heat doesn’t have to be personal, blaming, damaging and destructive. That’s the distorted thing we do with our intensity when we have not learned healthy ways of understanding what it is telling us. What it means. Why its so darned important. What the true intention is for this heat and/ or discomfort.
Difference is natural. We are two individuals whilst also being a ‘we’. Tension around this is inevitable. Conflict about differences is not necessarily required yet often happens. Especially when growth is trying to occur.
When our intention is to connect and understand each other, free of blame, even if we get heated. We do indeed grow. I know this personally.
Without doubt being in blooming uncomfortable conversations, hearing things that radically changed my viewpoint, has come though honest, humble, hearty engagement!
So you are getting it by now I’m sure. It’s what we DO within our arguing that either creates war OR develops deeper relationship and awareness. Arguing isn’t inevitable bad.
This is someone’s story of their relationship, that had no arguments.