Feeling connected regardless
Are you in an intimate relationship and feel as though you’re trying desperately to be loved by the other person? Do you crave connection, but feel there’s a great chasm separating you from your partner? What if you could feel that you’re actually connected? Sound good?
The truth is that you can’t actually be disconnected from your partner. Check for yourself. Right now. Look deeply into your own heart and see if you can feel your partner. Do you sense their presence, whether or not they’re in the same room with you? That’s them. Right there. That feeling you’re sensing is your connection to them. You’re recognising their vibration. It feels good doesn’t it? Lean into it and allow yourself to experience the feeling—this is connection. Can you feel the tension in your body subside?
You did it! You just tuned in to your partner. In fact, in my experience this is you tuning into the finest expression of it. This is what you are longing to experience fully in the outer world—as a love relationship. I recommend you practice this brief activity daily, stay tuned in.
Attunement is an inner and outer process though. When we bring it to the outer interpersonal space we form relationships. Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, says, “When we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another.”
The attunement process is really one of empathy. Empathy is what I call a green relationship flag, and is the bridge to experiencing and expressing your interconnectedness. By holding your partner with your heart.
What’s empathy look like in your relationship? You may have had deep, scary conversations with your significant other which have taken you to a place of healing and intimate connection. In those moments you’ve seen that empathy flowed through you, and then back to you. While fear defends and reacts, empathy can carry you forward. The presence of fear is really a cry for empathy.
The key is to bring fears and empathy together as a couple, and to be alternating between giving and receiving empathy based on each of your needs. This will happen naturally when you’re both holding empathy in your relationship as a shared priority.
p.s. I invite you to develop your capacities for empathy through the online self paced course Connection Essentials