Getting beyond right and wrong
Getting beyond right and wrong is essential for a healthy relationship. It appears to take more effort than just seeing things in black and white. However, ultimately it’s more harmonious, loving, and real.
Conflict is fueled by seeing things in black and white, as opposites – right and wrong. Which just leaves us all feeling less connected and safe. A healthy connection is the best source of safety, so being able to live in between good-bad, right-wrong is vital if you want connection in your life. Making connection your first priority is key.
Getting beyond right and wrong calls you to rest into and BE in a place of warm positive regard. Willing to collaborate, speak and hear with openness. This feeds upon itself in a positive way.
In openness, apparent opposites can safely be explored. You discover shared values of kindness, health, safety, etc rather than stopping at the level of diametrically opposed thinking. That’s what allows challenges to be faced together.
Facing Challenges Together
We drop being in right versus wrong, by caring about HOW a solution is achieved. That matters at least as much as WHAT the final solution is. This is how we actually take care of our ability to collaborate, share, love, solve problems together and live a rich peaceful life. At home and on the planet!
Empathy is an essential part of the HOW. It enables us to hang in the ambiguity of complex situations. It enables us to be with the complexity in such a way that greater compassion, connection and creativity grow.
Right now in the world it’s very easy to see things in opposites. For instance, vaccinated or not vaccinated equals good – bad. Or right – wrong. Or safe – unsafe.
Getting beyond Right and Wrong
To come out of polarised thinking, involves us feeling our emotions and longings. These are precious, life-serving and flow beneath our thinking.
The invitation now, is to acknowledge your and my fears and feelings. And our common human needs. So we can wade into the space of ‘us’ not me versus you.
Feelings/needs/ longings that appear to at first glance be in opposition to each other, are actually shared and unite us in our common humanity! We have a common wish for aliveness, for wellbeing, freedom, choice, connection, love, friendship, touch, personal agency, familiarity, safety to live in relative certainty, these are universal.
Feeling the feels
I get it. It’s a struggle to hold space for intense feelings such as those that relate to trauma, grief and fear. Our own and others.
I invite you to choose to prioritise understanding and connection in the way the poet Rumi is quoted – “out beyond right and wrong, there is a field. I’ll meet you there”. Actually that’s the ONLY place we can meet!
Out ‘there’ the cravings for ‘fast and furious, right-wrong ‘ thinking and polarised views of neighbours, friends, community members, dissolve.
We need our nervous systems to be soothed and non-reactive for this. It is biologically impossible to enter into meaningful dialogue when your nervous system is in fight, flight or shut down.
In my view, we can do this! HOW we come together to co-create cohesive, meaningful solutions that are supportive and respectful of the whole, shows how awake we are as a couple, family and society.
The essential tool for getting beyond right and wrong
Getting beyond right and wrong involves using our nervous system for deep non-judgmental listening. Listening to understand. Relationship IS the by-product of truly listening to each other.
Relationships are breathed into existence by listening attentively, caringly, openly, at home, work and in the community, countrywide and globally.
Will you listen more deeply? Who have you not heard fully??
What IS deep listening?
Be the deep quietly present and attuned you. Focused on understanding, rather than on who’s right.
Love to receive your questions or feedback here