Good conversations need a certain ingredient. My good friend Adriana Koulias, (author and speaker) wrote the following note.

“To be awake and to try not to put another to sleep are the two most fundamental aspects to a good conversation.

In the one we agree with everything, in the other we disagree to score points.

To turn off the internal dialogue and to listen, and in turn to find the ‘right place’ to insert our words is an art. When it is done well it is like drinking from the same cup – a communion.

For this one needs goodwill on both sides. It is not enough to have it on one side. Goodwill is ‘active love’.

This active love can make even water taste of wine, that is, it can make even people who are not related by blood, related in spirit.”

What makes for good conversations?

For me these words capture the essence of what makes for a good conversation.

What’s your intent? To be awake, open and listening, dancing with the flow of your good conversation so you’re connecting in a way that shares friendship and love that is broader than blood-relatedness? Or queuing up to speak? Ready to get your point across, absent or distractedly participating?

More than being present is the warmth and kind intention of goodwill, for a good conversation to be the fruit of the time we spend together.

How to find goodwill?

• A smile from your eyes brings goodwill or as Buddhist practices invite – make an inner smile.
• Remember the other’s innocence. They could be me! And I could be them in this conversation.
• We’re all doing our best to meet common human feelings and needs.
• Have an intention to make life more wonderful right now.

Goodwill is a benevolent generosity of spirit and kindness of the heart, that’s my definition.

Thank you Adri!

May you have many good conversations!
Mukti