Growing your relationship

Growing your relationship

Growing your relationship is crucial because you’re never the same.

A relationship is going to grow and evolve IF we can move with it as well as it moves with you! But we often don’t know how to do that. It’s like we’ve got a certain way of showing up and certain things that we expect of our partner. Old habits comes up.

So, we get into what I call crunchy bits. Where we’re sort of going around in circles. Or spinning our wheels, doing the same thing, expecting a different result and it doesn’t happen like that. Look here to learn more about this.

So here are a few ideas from my observations over the years, to help you keep track so that you actually can be growing and moving forward and closer and deeper in the relationship. As opposed to getting stuck.

The first thing is, do you have a sense of what this relationship potential is?

What you’re longing for, what your heart is looking for, what you want to be like, in a relationship with your partner? That’s a really important thing to have. Not because then we have a shopping list, but because then energetically we’ve set out. We’ve thrown a ball forward if you like. Or we’ve thrown an anchor out to the future, that we can now get some traction with. The ‘right’ kind of tension.

Tension for change is going to come up.

If we get into a space where we’re comparative.

We’re comparing our partner against this.  “They’re not this. They’re not that. This relationship isn’t this ,,,,  isn’t that.” Doesn’t match our vision.

Then we’re missing something. We’re missing something really important.

And what that is, is honesty about where we’re personally at.

Not just where the relationship is at and what the different things are happening from an observational point of view. But also where we personally are at.

What are our abilities and our frailties? and our habits? and our blocks, and our resistances? Where do we get stuck in terms of being able to open up in terms of being able to be intimate? In terms of being able to go into a deep space and share that with somebody else.

So this is where the Growth Edge is.

Where does growing your relationship occur?

Growth always happens where two things come together.

When we’re in a relationship, and there are usually two people, and at that edge where we intermingle, that is the place of growth. If you are a permaculturist, or if you’re a gardener, you’ll know that the most incredible amount of growth happens at the edge of the garden beds!

An intimate relationship is a setup for growth!  So I invite you to expect this. 

Expect to learn. Expect to be stretched. Expect to be called forward by love, by your heart. Be prepared to shed all those habits and ideas that don’t serve you in terms of intimacy and being your authentic true self.

You’re on track! 

If you’re challenged like that and you’re just going down into a deep dark place. You probably need some help. That’s not the right level of challenge to handle on your own.

Growing good things in your relationship

One of the important things about growth is that it’s an invitation for the new to come into your space.

It might be that you learn something new.

It could be that you have some additional therapy.

It might be, you need to go deep into some old stuff. That’s kind of stuck there in order to heal and reveal newness.

I encourage you to ask for external help. Healing past influences is delicate and important.

When you have new energy, then things change. Things change, in you between you. The other person will often change. It’s like jigsaw puzzle pieces. If you change shape, this other one’s going to need to change shape in order to fit together with you.


Growth happens in relationship. That’s what it’s about. Two things come together.

It’s a perfect situation for their to be a need to GROW. Doesn’t mean it has to be uncomfortable.

The next part is OPEN. Be open to growth within yourself as well as within the relationship.

Growth in your relationship, is about a shift of energy.

How are you going to SHIFT your ENERGY?

You’re going to get that by probably something new coming to you from outside, whether it’s a new source of information
and a new source of learning a new self-reflection, and inside could be anything but somehow a NEW perspective and vibe.

Being open to that and that will shift the awareness that you have. That shifts the Connection. And then that is a cycle that can continue to grow and deepen and move towards that original intention of what it is that you’re hoping to experience in relationship and who you want to be, in order for that to happen. 

I hope that’s given you some pointers. If you have questions always, DM me.

What is connected grows. Love that grows, lasts.

Mukti Jarvis Emotionally Focused Therapist

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