Protection, Reaction, Connection
If we truly ‘get’ how these 3 (protection, reaction, and connection) are intimately intertwined – life will change 180 degrees! Let me explain relationship reaction and what you can do …
Have you ever been in gridlock with someone? With conversations get stuck in tension, misunderstanding, or an argument?
Something happens, and bam. You have a reaction – or they do. Usually, we notice what they do before we catch on to our own reactivity. Reactivity doesn’t mean the relationship is inherently wrong. It usally indicates that there’s a lack of feeling emotionally safe. Maybe you’re stuck in misunderstanding each other.
Reactions are our ninja-style protective system, firing off because of some perceived threat. If you get anxious, fearful, upset and we move to protect ourselves. Your attempt to protect yourself looks like a REACTION.
You might seem hyper-sensitive and over-reactive in the eyes of the other. Your childhood experiences can fuel this. Hence what you do is indeed a RE-action. A repeat of actions that used to work for us, or were unfinished; your best efforts to be safe and loved.
Your raw reaction can in turn set off another’s protection system. And so it’s game on! Reactivity triggering more reactivity.
Hang on a minute! Are you destined to be stuck in this? No. We can all learn and grow our way out of it. You can address this!
Firstly: It’s vital to understand and accept that you’re primed to protect yourself and to survive. Safety has historically come from being connected and belonging. That’s why for example inclusion, belonging, love, self-worth, significance are common human needs. What is super cool is that you can develop and mature the ways you process your reaction triggers. This allows you to get closer because you feel safer in intimate relationships.
This change to the protection reaction and connection sequence begins with kindness. Empathy for the fact that you have reactions coming up. More criticism doesn’t help. I’m sure you have already noticed this! There are other steps too.
In relationship, you can go from survival, to thriving together.
You create this change and continue the upward spiral of such positive connection through understanding your emotions and discovering how to honour each other’s needs. Real change doesn’t come simply through intellectual education. It comes from vicseral body based emotional healing and growth. A good place to start is the Back To Love Course
Resistance is a sure sign that your protective reaction is switched on. Are you inclined to push back, block out, or pretty often blame events/ other people/ your partner, when you aren’t happy? If so then this blog post is for you.
Let me know if you want help.
p.s. *If you need safety from violence – please get professional support and check back with me. Not sure? Visit https://www.dvrcv.org.au/