Got a North Star, a relationship vision?
Having a North Star is vital, especially in times of great challenge. By North Star I mean, a beacon of inspiration and hope, a relationship vision.
My daughter is now 26 and I now live in Melbourne! But what I wrote still holds true for me. I wonder if you have a North Star? Or maybe you’ll be inspired to create a North Star of your own. Let’s see!
Most mornings after I drop my daughter at her bus stop, I walk to a beach that has no road access. Usually, I am the only one there. Truly! 5 minutes from my home in a built-up area of Sydney, and yet there I am, the whole beach to myself, the ocean sparkling, sand smooth, barely disturbed by another human being. Solitude. Why is no one else there? Well, to get to and from the beach I walk down and back up a VERY steep hill. Even the dog is crawling up the hill to the car.
I go because the experience never fails to soothe, enliven and uplift my spirit and clear my mind. My attention is firmly on this END RESULT when I face THE hill.
I used to look at this beach and pass by – looking for one with easier access. Even if that meant sharing with others. Not now. When my legs ache or my breath runs short, as happens some days, it doesn’t matter. I know what I am creating and what I am going to enjoy, is much more special than these minor hiccups. In fact, it’s been very good for my fitness and that is another reason why I choose this beach – it contributes to my vision/ north star/ my why, of good health.
We all need a WHAT.
Your relationship needs a ‘what’ – a vision. Something compelling and fulfilling. So significant that it will call forward the absolute best and most courageous in you. Something that will focus energy on your greater vision is fundamental. Without that, it’s too easy to get lost in problem-solving and drama rather than a rich and fulfilling relationship.
With a clear relationship vision, and an honest appraisal of where you are now – you have the tension that will carry you forward, instead of in cycles.
If you purely focus on collapsing tension because you don’t want to be uncomfortable, you’ll go into an oscillating cycle of better, worse, and then better, worse etc.
So, write out your North Star, your vision of yourself in the ideal version of your relationship. Give that your attention.