Validation and eggshells
There are 2 kinds of validation. One is healthy, one is not.
Your partner sees you as no-one else does. They sleep with you, eat with you, see you under stress. They know what you are made of.
There’s a deep and beautiful vulnerability in this.
They may validate your feelings and needs. Affirm that your inner world and you make sense. This is healthy validation.
Alternatively if you wield over them or have given them the power to wield over you validation of your worth – being good or bad, right or wrong.
That’s going to lead to a vulnerability which is neither connecting nor nourishing, it’s unhealthy.
If you’ve placed your partner as this kind of external source of validation and are trying to earn it, then you might find you feel fragile and like you walk on eggshells.
You might read into their comments the worst interpretation.
Because you’ve also given them the power to invalidate you. So it’s difficult to hear fully and be open hearted and truly vulnerable, intimate.
Our school systems ingrain external validation of our worth, our success, or conforming to social constructs. Parenting can do this too.
Pulling back into your own inner validation and unconditional compassion and love for who you are.
Dropping through past judgments and expectations internalised, into deep trust in who you truly are. Seen or unseen. This is where you are ultimately safe, peaceful, free.
Able to turn outward and relate openly as an equal. Listening, engaging, loving, regrouping, repairing, regretting and relating and resuming